Some chick I know told me she’s about to become a grandmother. What makes this news interesting to me is that this particular gal is four months younger than I. My oldest kid still can’t open a can of Spaghettios by himself. Her oldest is banging hotties and knocking them up. My youngest kid will be only four years older than her grandkid.
Even more, she said she is the last of her friends around her age who is not a grandmother. And that they are so happy to include her into their club. They’re apparently being sincere too and not acting in a “ha ha, your barely scraped through high school kid now working a low wage retail job is royally f-u-c-k-e-d just like our kids are” kind of way.
I don’t even know what to think about all this, but there’s certainly an entirely different mindset regarding parenthood and grandparenthood depending on which side of the tracks you’re on, that’s for sure.
Pee-wee football started, which means summer is over.
The one thing I’ve noticed already this year is that the parents now all sit around thumbing their Blackberrys or iPhones or Blackjacks or whatever the entire time practice is going on. This leads me to make the determination that I am probably the last person in my zip code to not have a smart phone. And also probably the last one to actually pay attention to practice.
What the hell does a jobless house frau need with a smart phone anyway?
I took this week off work to hang out with my kid and save a few bucks by not sending him to camp. What a mistake. This is what we did:
Monday - The Dark Knight, lunch and video games at Dave and Buster’s. Cha-ching.
Tuesday - Body Worlds 2, lunch and video games at ESPN Zone (home of the six-fucking-dollar chocolate milkshake). Cha-ching!
Wednesday - Visit to Ravens training camp. Admission to that was free, but the Ravens Rookies membership and bottles of water sure as shit weren’t. Also, lunch at Westminster, MD’s white trash feed bag emporium Cactus Willie’s. Cha-ching cha-ching!
Thursday - Break day. Doctor’s visit for annual check-ups and the other kid’s dental appointment. $30 worth of co-pays and $50 for a 3 year-old’s “happy air” at the dentist. Cha-ching cha-ching cha-ching!
Friday - Tapped out. Went fishing in the morning because we only had to pay for worms (too lazy to dig up our own). Then lunch. Ching! Pee-wee football practice starts in the evening (on a Friday for some reason) and my summer comes to an end.
Total damages for the week: A fuck of a lot more than camp would have cost.
In regards to the Ravens training camp, it was kind of creepy. You had a section that was designated for player autographs after practice ended. The crowd for it was probably 4-5 deep for 50 yards. All of the little kids were in the back and the average age of the autograph seekers in front of them was at least early 30s. What the hell. What 30 year old not named Pittman should care about David Pittman’s autograph? At least my kid is a Ravens Rookie, and they get their own area to get autographs without having to compete with 40 year old maniacs with Ravens logos tattooed on their forearms. But then the biggest star signing that day, linebacker Bart Scott, blew off the kids to sign only for the adults. Jerk. And he’ll probably bitch about his signature showing up on ebay too.
Also, I find that at 38 years old wearing a football jersey is pretty retarded. No one over 20 can pull off the look without being in the game. So I didn’t know what to make of this guy (heavily iPhoto’d because it came out so dark using the camera in my phone):
He is well into his 50s and couldn’t spend the money fast enough to wear the jersey of a 21 year-old guy who just got drafted and will likely only see mop-up duty at quarterback in the near future. Retard.
This is my random question for the day: if you’re at work and having an emotional telephone conversation with your son, who you’re accusing of being a lying, drug addicted thief who is not now and will never again be welcome in your home in quite a loud manner, shouldn’t you at least close your office door so no one else can listen in?
