Yes, it is a rare double posting day here on the ranch.

I am back and mostly recovered from my first ever colonoscopy. All I can really say about it is when they wheeled me into the O.R. I asked the nurse to not let the doctor violate me too harshly. She laughed! Bitch! Then the anesthesia whatever said she was giving me something to make me relax and the next thing I knew I was in the recovery room with someone hovering over me and asking me if I wanted a ginger ale. I hate ginger ale, but I said yes. It was delicious.

A few moments later a nurse noted my pulse rate, which was hovering between 48 and 52, and asked if I was a runner. I said I was and that I ran a half marathon a couple days ago. I don’t think she believed me! Bitch! Then the doctor came in and showed me pictures of the inside of my colon and said there were some places that weren’t all the way cleaned out, implying as though I fudged my prep a little. Fuckin douche. I did everything I was supposed to. It’s not my fault my fecal matter is as tough as the rest of me.

Then he was gone and some nurse removed my I.V., told me to get dressed, and after I did she told me I could go home and get something to eat (thank god), but to not eat anything too heavy.

Upon leaving, stop #1 was Five Guys. It was delicious.

And now I’m home. The End.