There was an episode of Family Guy a while back where Peter sued his doctor for violating him and stealing his innocence in the form of a prostate exam. After yesterday I can say that I understand exactly how Peter felt and why he felt it.

Even worse, when it was over my doctor said the one thing no man ever really wants to hear. I believe he said it just to be extra cruel: “I want to schedule you for a colonoscopy.” Ugh.

I am hopelessly heterosexual, but I believe that if by some stroke of whatever I go the other way there’s no way I can ever catch. Ever. I would always pitch. Always.