A smoking ban goes into effect in most public places around my way today. Being a non-smoker it doesn’t affect me much, but I am not an anti-smoking nazi and believe that if there’s any place smoking should be allowed it’s in a bar. Bars are grown-up places that whining little sissies should either stay out of or find one of which that has unilaterally decided to go smoke-free, ergo declared itself a bar for pussies. You don’t like the smoke? Don’t go in. Don’t like smoke in your workplace? Find a job somewhere smoking isn’t allowed. There’s also that whole a proprietor should be able to allow any legal activities he wishes in a building that he owns thing — you know, private property rights and all that — but god forbid we should allow people to decide what to do with the things they own. We all know everything’s better when government gets involved.

Anyway, what’s really disheartening is the helacious number of dipshits that frequent bars in Baltimore. The local Baltimore fishwrap’s “edgy” cousin surveyed some of these idiots and asked them how their plans will change with the smoking ban in effect. Obviously, these people were smokers. The whole thing can be seen here.

Here are my favorite dipshit quotes:

“It definitely won’t change my plans. I think they should have a smoking section for weed in bars, though!”

This guy was being “funny,” but he failed. He’s a dipshit.

“It won’t change my plans. I don’t mind not smelling like smoke. I work in a bar and the amount of smoke in there is ridiculous.”

This quote is from a dipshit with a lit cigarette hanging out of his mouth. But I’m sure that doesn’t make him smell like smoke.

“No, I think it’s a good idea. I don’t want to smell like an ashtray.”

Again, this quote is from a dipshit whose picture shows her taking a big puff off a fag. I’m sure she’s a brain surgeon.

“No, it definitely won’t change my plans. I’ll probably quit. I’ve been smoking since I was 10.”

The girl who said she has been smoking since she was 10 claims the only thing that’s made her consider quitting to this point is the inability to smoke while getting her drink on at the bar. Brilliant.

I know that I’m more of the demographic that goes to bars because we’re old degenerate alcoholics than to party and have a good time and drunkenly pick up drunken whores, but it is amazing how stupid the men and skanked out the women are in Baltimore bars these days. One day these people are going to grow up and start families and have kids of their own. And those children of shallow dipshits will grow up and amaze the generation before them with their even shallower dipshittiness and then they’ll grow up and start families and have kids of their own. And then, eventually, the prophecy of Idiocracy will come to pass. God help us. Thankfully, I should be long dead by then.