The official mother of Standing Cheese is now off the radar spending the holidays with family out of town. Because of that, she asked Standing Cheese and the family of Standing Cheese to come open presents Saturday night at her house. She told Standing Cheese that she expected him to “jump for joy” when he saw the Christmas present she got him. Standing Cheese is not the “jump for joy” type, but he doesn’t mind getting Christmas presents from his jewish mother.

The present turned out to be a brochure for Disney World vacations, along with a check to pay for the Standing Cheese family to go on a Disney vacation at their convenience. Standing Cheese was supposed to jump for joy for this? A “vacation” to the “happiest” place on earth, where he’ll get no rest or relaxation and will have to deal with two kids of separate genders and age groups who will want to do completely different things the entire time the Standing Cheese family will be on the Disney grounds and who will either whine, cry or both while stating their cases for doing what they want to do in direct contrast to what their sibling wants? There is a reason the Standing Cheese family hasn’t embarked on a trip to any Disney location to this point: Standing Cheese is very aware how much of a pain in the ass a trip to Orlando would be at this point in his life.

To make matters worse, this “jump for joy” present’s main only attraction — the check to pay for it all — was for only about half of what it would cost for the Standing Cheese family to go to the “magic” kingdom (Standing Cheese has been pricing a trip such as this for a while now).

Merry f’n Christmas.

P.S. Standing Cheese is already lobbying to hold off on Disney until January 2009, so that he can run the Disney World half marathon while he’s there. That’ll give him a couple hours of peace, at least.