This weekend, to commemorate the completion of my kid’s third year of life, we had a party at the house. At that party she was lavished with some truly nice, costly presents. Knowing how much some of that shit cost, all that went through my mind while she tried to figure out how to rip off wrapping paper was how much it’s going to cost me in reciprocal presents over the next year: a princely sum that is going to suck to pay.

Because it’s not like I don’t already spend an assload of cash on her, the girl currently owns a couple things she was given, such as DVDs. So yesterday we took those things back to the store in exchange for a gift card to buy something as a replacement. I got her the perfect additional item to complement everything else she received this weekend: Guitar Hero III for the Wii. I also claimed first dibs on it, told the girl it’s not for her, and told the boy he can only play it when I’m around to keep him from breaking my new axe, which he undoubtedly would do without my close oversight.

I have to admit that I shredded my first real gig after playing a set at a backyard party and kicked Tom Morello’s ass in the first battle. I’m racking up sponsorships and melting faces in clubs all across the land and completed my first video shoot. I am well on my way to becoming a Legend of Rock.

Anyway, when I got the game, I walked past a line of people waiting to get Wii consoles. 100 came in to the store that morning and its employees were slowly and judiciously passing them out on a first come, first served basis. As I walked past the line with my game in hand (which comes in a box about three feet long by about a foot and a half wide), most looked longingly, understanding that my Wii was sitting at home just waiting for me to come rock its buttons off. I didn’t know whether to feel pity or empathy for the poor suckers in line just hoping to play Wii Sports on their own TVs.

Eh, who am I kidding. I couldn’t have cared less one way or another.