I’m almost ashamed to admit this, but I have really gotten into running. It’s gotten so bad that I lament the fact that I haven’t had enough time lately to run as long or as far as I want. It’s a great coup getting 4 miles in on a treadmill most days and nothing has made me happier recently than waking up early on Sunday mornings to hit the road for 5 or 6 miles before the heat and humidity takes over.

I have no desire to run more than 10K at any given time, but when I finish my long Sunday runs I feel so good that I wonder why I don’t try to run further. It’s been the weirdest thing I’ve gone through in years, especially since I always hated running and swore it off for good when I left my life as an active duty member of America’s esteemed fighting forces.

Even worse is that I’ve been reading a book called Chi Running that offers a blueprint to run effortlessly by focusing your mind, sensing your body and teaching yourself methods of relaxation during runs that allows gravity to pull you rather than using your muscles your push you. It’s all very new agey (being based on the 2,500 year old art of Tai Chi and all), peaceful and kind of out-there sounding, but it works. One of the supposed benefits of the ChiRunning technique is that it begins to permeate all aspects of your life, making you more focused, relaxed and better able to handle life with a whatever-will-be-will-be attitude.

Could this mean there is a kinder, gentler heart in me being buffed out from under who knows how many layers of blackness? No. Fuck no. I’m just as hateful as ever and no book and no number of miles running is going to change that. But at least I’m coming to be even more at peace with my hate. That’s got to be worth something.